I am a Daughter Of Our Heavenly Father

I came from a big number of family. We were seven. I have two older brother and sister, and four younger ones. I am the third daughter. I grew up in a world where for me it is almost perfect. My perspective changed, my point of views also. There were this times that I am terribly looking for the real me. Since I am the organization of Young Women, I still have 2 sisters on the same org. Most of the time I am being compared to them and actually I am the least option when it comes to beauty or whatsoever. People around us would always prefer them. I maybe different from them in many ways. Im from a far of the world. I dress simple, I frown a little, I don’t even care about my looks. The real thing about me is I am almost satisfied of who I am. There were times that I really pay self-pity to myself and even lose myself in tears and deppression. I don’t even want someone to talk with. I hate myself whenever I am being compared to anybody else especially to my younger siblings. Maybe I am selfish, but I really don’t want to become a second choice or just a consolation. Im blaming myself for being who I am, sometimes I even think, why them? Why not me? Im following the standards of the church, I am even seeking the Lord’s kingdom first, I am trying to be an example to other Young Woman, why them? Why not me? There are also times that I get used to hurt myself and keep on telling myself that I am worthless. My eyes are opened and I have also seen that my parents would always opt them rather than me. I know, i fall short from their expectations, I know Im not perfect, and I don’t even know if im good or better. The most hard part of it is when sometimes people had actually misinterpret or misjudge me, or even when people would tell me, you don’t look like your sisters. I know they are prettier, gorgeous and glamorous. I can do nothing but to pray and lean on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know I was formed from the image of God, so I don’t have to worry anything, the Lord loves me, although people see me on my weakest part, The Lord would always remain just and he would always see me as his perfect daughter.

In God's Perfect Time:]

Since I was young, I wish to be a part of the school newspaper, campus magazines and press conference. I havent given any chance to explore my skills on writing when I was in my elementary grade because im joining other school competitions. As young as grade II when I started to compose simple songs, poems, and started to write on my diary in a novel-type narration. So, I promised to myself that someday, ill be a part of schoolpaper, or different journalism team. I still have the hope that there’s still high school. I started to join journalism clubs but hindrances are along my way. I have to choose from seminary class or worlholder meeting (official newspaper of the school). My seminary Class will start at 5:30, the meeting will also start 5:30, after our class. I thought it would be easy for me to excuse myself from meetings because I have friends there, but I was wrong. If our meeting will not be held at 5:30 pm during weekdays, it is most probably Saturday or Sunday. I almost feel guilty about letting that opportunity to pass along, but at the end of the day I would realize that I just made a right decision. Now, I already graduated at high school, though I failed to be the editor-in-chief of my dreamcampus paper, regrets has no place in my heart. I appreciate myself more for choosing the Lord first. Maybe its not for me. Time pass along, Im almost paying pity to myself and I keep on questioning myself if really I don’t deserve it. I want to voice-out my real passion that people will recognize that its my passion. I cried and prayed to the Lord that if really I wont fit here, ill just let it go. The week after,from our stake, they told me that im going to write for the stake. Ill be featuring the last Stake Youth Conference.Just a few hours after I received a news from my friend encouraging me to be a part of an online magazine. She’s asking me to be a subordinate writer. Really I am greatful that stil im being appreciated by those who really know me well. This is the answer to my prayer. In God’s Perfect time, he’ll open my eyes, and let me feel that really I am special.

Saturday Blast::]

I really had a great Saturday. I have done and accomplish something worthwhile. Maybe for some it is such a cliché but somehow for me it left a reason and a lesson to me:] when I was a child I always think that everything is perfect. I believe on a ‘once upon a time’ fairytale and a ‘happy ever after ending’. But as time goes by, I finally had seen what it really means to succeed, to achieve and to work-out for something that someday you and those people around you will be proud of what you are and who you are already. Although I was being compared with my younger siblings most of the time, I guess it has a reason. It’s hard for me to accept that I am just a second choice; I would always wish that I am the best. But I have to admit that I’m not perfect, I have weaknesses it’s for a cause, for my own good. For now, I want to spread my wings and learn new things. I want to explore something different. It would be hard for me, because I don’t accept criticisms in return, but I want to help myself to recognize that I have to broaden my horizon and look forward on my future. I know Heavenly Father has his plan for me. In God’s perfect time, I will inherit all the blessings, and he will pour out happiness to me.

Standing as a witness:]

When I was a primary I don’t really understand why I have to spend Sunday to church, to sit along with my parents, to behave during sacrament meeting and why do I need to attend primary class. I would always think and reason out for myself that I have to do it for my parent’s sake. I am active in the primary but personally I’m wandering why I have to be there as always and I know the testimony I have was my father’s testimony. As time goes by, when I turned 12, I started to attend my seminary class. I have my older sister with me who keep on watching over me at the first day of class. The following the day, I told my parents that I could go already alone. That’s when I finally understand and had actually give answers to my question when I was a primary and why do I have to study the gospel. My seminary teacher was a great influence for me. From that day, I realized that I can’t grow without my own testimony. The gospel had made me realized that I am blessed because at my young age my parents had opened my eyes in doing good and grow up with the light of Christ. I learned a lot from my seminary class, I understand more the meaning of Atonement, and have actually work-out for my own testimony of Jesus Christ. Even at school, I could still apply the lessons I gained at seminary class by merely being an example to them, by choosing God’s will first and by sharing them the infinite love of Christ. I gained a deeper appreciation of repentance and forgiveness. I remember what my teacher had taught me “It is better to prepare and prevent than to repair and repent”.

My new Entry for october:]]

Back to Basic: Something Worthwhile and Important
-Hannah Grace Mesde

Today was as strange as they come. I guess I should bactrack. The entire week was crummy. I would like to lookback and reminisce the past. Back from my young women years, it seems I’m too old to remember my past years. And it flows like this.
Five years ago, I was once sitting on a monobloc chair inside a four corner room. Silently watching over the side of the windows. Observing our Sunday School teacher. Trying to exempt myself from her questions. I was really that silent and typical young woman before who always hide on the comfort room everytime the leaders will pull us out of the primary room. I had also started to attend my daily seminary class. And at my first day of siiting beside my co-seminarians I was a bit weird for not talking for an hour until the class ended. The following was really a miracle, that was when I started to talk outloud. I guess my tantrums just got away from me. I have to admit than im too old for memorizing the 13 Articles of Faith, Singing primary songs such as follw the prophet, I belong to church and many more. Until such time that I noticed that im enjoying already my life as a young woman. Although, I am always at the peak of choosing my friends, the right choice to keep my Sabbath day holy rather than to attend school activities, my personal progress than TV and books, and sacrifice my time to hung out with my friends during my seminary class. There is no such word as regret. I value those treasured memories as forever pixietale story. There are times when I feel I want to give up on what I am doing but there would always be the still small voice, the leaders and my parents that would always tell me to choose the right and seek first the kingdom of God. Many years from now, I may have my own family, my own life’s perfect bliss, but somehow all the wisdom I gained back when I was a primary, a young woman would always linger in my mind and heart and I would always remember that really I am a Daughter of God. For 17 years of existence I have noticed that nothing is permanent in this world, and in the other hand, the world is not getting better, but I guess and everybody knows it that its getting worst. But despite of these adversaries I can make things right out of using my free agency wisely. This journey is not yet done. And I still have many roads to take. I know Heavenly Father and jesus Christ will help me. The scriptures taught me a lot, My leaders had guided me, My family had become my inspiration and my weaknesses has been my stepping stone to become more stong and gain more strength. I know with God nothing is impossible. It take a lot more work than words. My young women motto, “Stand for Truth And Righteousness” and the theme “Stand as a witness of God at all time and in all things and in all places” will lead to me to my eternal goals.

i wrote this song when JLM broke my heart:[[

Falling Out Of Love

-Hannah

Here I am Again

Standing by your side

Hoping that you still remember

Though youre not mine

Youre still a part of me and forever ill be yours

Take a break

Take some rest

Because tomorrow

I promise youll be mine again

Im sorry, you never

You never appreciated me

Though the hard times

You leave me alone

I really do not expect that youll do that

But since, I still have the hope

Ill wait for you

Think until you realize

And I know

Someday youll be mine again

If setting you free will ease the pain

If leaving you will make me happy again

I don’t have the reason to love you continuously

Stop dreaming

Pause from imagining

Youre gone

And youll never be mine again.

Note: please do not copy this without my permission:]]

just to ease boredom.

i was a little bit scared this time. i dont know why.
well, time flies so fast.
i just got back .
and its been a few weeks since my last post:]]
i dont know how to comply with my problems.
i think this will be a month agony again:[
im still thinking of what had happened.
anyway, i just drop by here to update my readers.
woah! im supposed to got back there but i think...
i cant na:]]
haii.
were having a practice later:]]
so i wont be able to tell everything right now.
ill just post it tomorrow:]] ok?
have nothing to say right now:]]
my mind isnt working:]]
and its too idle to post a very long drama:]]

Go Back and Smile:]]]

these past days were really busy.:[
got so stress:]]
but anyway, i just want to look upon this blog if somebody had left a comment for me:]]
luckily i have comments out there:]]
but anyway. no such luck for me for i dont have any courage. even just alittle.
i feel so coward right now.
i was about to text him.
but my instict keeps on telling me to just wait for his text's:]]]
anway, last sunday is our stake conference:]
after two years of not seeing him.
finally i got to see him again lastsunday:]]
it was terrible and kinda absurd:]]
weee:]]
make me scream as always:]]
while metro manila and other affected places are still suffering from their loss:[
am suffering to:[
im thinking if my friends are ok?
but i got to be fine :]
and i really have to be fine:]]
dont wanna be too emotional again.
not this time:]]
just for this moment i got to be happy:]
its October First today:]]
any significant dates?
nothing except for double two's:]]]
yah.
gunna be 1st and 2nd:]]
yah, you knew it han:]]
wait, i remember again:]]
october 30 is getting near.
i have to start my regimen for the upcoming conference:]
Double B:]] i missed him a lot:]]
i weigh things fine right now and again:]]
goodluck:]]]

am busy doing nothing:[[[[

yeah. i cant hardly think anything right now.i think gonna lost my memory soon:] i really cant remember anything. i cant even hear my own voice:]] something strange is really happening. but anyway, i have to update my blogs for my beloved readers. tsk. just got home from school.
intramurals. really got bored in all ways.. tsk.. my mind is not working that good. :] have nothing to announce right now. things gone bad. since yesterday:] really wanna sleep. but im gaining weight already. again and again. ofcourse. hmm..

here's something with sense:]]]
once we have pursued our own personal legend we can inspire others to achieve theirs. Anyone can achieve their destiny if they just take a chance.

in life there are many obstacles to overcome, some people give up easily, in fear of failure, but I have courage to overcome the hurdles of life, and through my courage I can pursue my destiny. In the novel The Alchemist Santiago needs courage in order to follow his heart, which leads him to fulfilling his personal legend. I feel that I have courage to pursue my destiny because I am not afraid of what awaits me. I am willing to accept new challenges, and will continue to do so in the future. One example that proves I can overcome obstacles in life is that not only do I have to complete my 8th Grade work well, I also have to juggle the school play everyday till 6pm, soccer, dance and piano lessons. I want to do well in all these subjects and even though I have a hard time managing all of them, I have accepted the challenge, and taken a chance, which shows courage. Through this I have improved on managing my time and organization, and I have expanded my horizons, so in the future, I have many options which can help me fulfill my destiny. I may not know what is my destiny, but I am willing to look out into the unknown and accept what awaits me, knowing I have courage to overcome it.

can you feel it? well i feel the same thing too:]]

well, have nothing to boost:]] Anyway I'm in sort of in an identity crisis now. Okay more like style identity crisis. Cos I kinda like loud and bright colours and yet I want to stay with the quiet colours like greys and light browns or offwhite. Idk man, sometimes I like to just load up on accessories, layer clothing but then I like to keep things simple and minimalistic yknow?! Just like that day I wore heels to school, my mind was so perplexed with the idea of turning more girly (cos I really like a pair of sandals with heels) but yet I cannot bear to part with my sneakers. I love my hoodies and I want to get more! Sigh, I'm such a confused teen hahaha. Maybe I'll stick to comfort. Just me, my hoodie and sneakers. Sounds nice :) And prolly when my hair grows longer I'll look more girly? Was reading up a blog on this mother with like 7 kids whom is a photographer too. And there was all those princessy parties for her daughters, which got me thinking about my future kids too. I've always been telling people how I realllllllllly dislike stereotypes of like pink for girls and blue for guys. But I fear for the day that I would enforce my own thinking on my children! CAN YOU IMAGINE MY DAUGHTER REALLY WANTS TO WEAR PINK AND PLAY WITH BARBIEDOLLS BUT I DEPRIVE HER FROM IT?! hahahaha, I can totally imagine myself shoving some lego and car toys to her to play instead. Cos what's going on in my mind would be "BREAK THE STEREOTYPE". Sigh, I fear for my children's future. Oh wells, shouldnt worry too much because my future is in God's hands and I will pray that my future family will be great :) Cos I have faith in my God! :D!! Anyway holidays have been great :)

dont find anyone worth the display:]]

wee. its 10:52 in the morning. have nothing to do again.
just finished eating my early lunch.
nothing wrong is going on:[[[
worth the drama no:[
so hot:[
so bad:]
i hate *****.
thats it.
and i really hate her:[ ***.
nun. nun. nun.
ive been inactive on updating my blogs for almost a week.
ive been very busy;]
pardon:]]
this coming saturday.
its our stake's national family week.
and i cant escape from pressure:]
we'll be hosting the program.
MC's got to make the party outloud.
me and kua dandan were in "tension"
perfect tandem nga ba?
i dont think so:]
well it is.
really it is::]]
really feel im alone right now:]
he should have known.
were done.
foolish:]]]
done believing you 8D
weee.. love it:]
i feel pretty fine whenever im with him:]
intrigue? XD. gunna broadcast it soon:]
very soon:] am not that sure yet.
pardon:[
muapx...
brattinela is here:]
gonan talk much.
gunna laugh much.
gunna love you much and much.
misses matthew much:]
megacosm:[
beautiful nightmareeee:]
very soon. get lost dear:[mmmm...
i cant post yet a blog about other people.
lack of time:]
im busy editing my articles for Blast:]
sorry sweetie]
such that you are an oeger.
really you are.:[
i hate woman like YOU. ***!
know why?
haughty:]]]]
im prettymore:]
nagkataon lang nga naman na una ka nyang nakita.
tsktsktsk.
ok lang. dont have to steal him from you:]]]
sayo na siya:]]]
hindi pa naman ako desperada:D
like YOU ***.

testimonial from kua audz:]

.pareng hana!ü PORTIA! Oi alam ko na kung anong ibig sabihin ng PORTIA! hahah! Dba matagal mo nang pinaresearch sa akin kung what is the meaning of that word. Hindi ko alam kung ginagamit mo pa rin ang word na 'PORTIA' sa ngayon..pero sa pagkakaalam ko you're proud when everybody calls you PORKSIA!..ai..PORTIA!..heheh! Time flies so fast! 7 1/2 months in Villasis..it's just like a chimera..hahah!Ü
I know you're a multi-talented parasite..ai..being pala..heheh! Mathematician, scientist, journalist, boksingera..oppsss..bugbog sarado na ako nit..anong category ka ba, 'heavyweight'! Obvious naman di ba?..heheh! Joke!ü..ano pa ba..?..ahmm, may bago na naman akong nadiscover ngayon, you also do witchcraft! Nku, daig mo pang mga cast ng Harry Potter..what school?..Infant Jesus Montessori School of Witchcraft and Wizardry..heheh!..joke!ü madame ka na palang spell ngayon. Papaharapin mo pa ako sa salamin ha at makikita ko dun ang tunay na mangkukulam! Hahah!!! Well, meron rin akong panlaban..I insist!ü you dont care kung ano na ang nangyayari sa paligid mo, basta 'maganda ako!'. You dont care kung nag.eevolve pa ba ang iba, basta 'maganda ako!'. You dont care if somebody hates you..basta, 'maganda ako!'..hahah! You're just being 'YOU'..H.A.N.N.A.H..! Eerie!ü heheh! You couldn't deny them..Ü
Isang batang pinanganak na may purpose..'we are daughters of our Heavenly Father..as sisters in Zion'. Truly, you are a daughter of our Heavenly Father, marami kang na.inherit na characteristics and attributes from Him. Pero sa tingin ko na.overdose ka lang sa gatas mo when you're still a baby..hahahah!ü kya kakaiba ka! you are fond of writing poems, narratives and stories. You are fond of composing song..(?)..heheh! You are fond of playing musical instruments and of course your FORTE-24/7 magsalita..hai naku, 500 words per minute..kakaiba ka talaga. You like to be different! Different from others, different from the world..unique! Did you still remember what you ha....

---ewan ko lang.. bakit na putol yan.:] galeng yan kay FORMER elder Sobredo.
ambaet ko kase,,haha..
naman,.. salamat:]

9-9-9. have you notice that:]

gosh, i havent sleep yet since last night.
it was MJ's fault. joke:]
anyway, im having a little sleepy eyes:]
i just talked and talked and talke last night.:]
really an adventure.
can you imagine. the door was locked and i cant do nothing but to wait for a good hand to open it again:] wooo.., i keep on laughing:] then, the dog keeps on barking . and i wanted to kill him:] really i do:[
i had miss updating my blog. since i was busy last three days, i wasnt able to tell you what happened:] i cant remember anything, only the things happened to me earlier:]
dame nameng pinagkwentuhan. and a lot more to:]
i tried to remember them all but some just fly away:]
ill gonna miss them much:] ok ok.:]
heart keeps breaking? oh not anymore:]
i pleaded goodbye already:]
XD. anyway, remember MJ L.? shib's cousin?
yeaboi, atlast i had searched him.. oh wrong.. he had searched:]
make me scream..
not that much:]
one moment:]
one Milo:]

wont you ask me what im feeling right now?
ofcourse im fine outside..
i dont know if i am.. really i am:]
bruised.
not that much..
too bad:[...

wait ill post a blog entry too on mj's blog:]

Bye Bye:]