BoiledEggs! im happier even! December 29, 2009

well, since this is my first entry on this month,. and seems it would be the last, im going to tell you what had happened last night. we just have our overnight hang-out. and infact the greatest and happiest hang-out i've ever had this year. though Nona wasn't present, we make sure we'll still enjoy the night merrier even. 5:00 pm is our call time. but as barkadas we're so much pardonable for beating the time. beating in such we came late. hoho!Countryfarm here we go. we just have lots of chit-chats and forever unending story about our own experiences of our college life. some were just flashbacks of our high school barkada. thats the thing we would not forget everytime we'll come to meet each other. who's to forget the BOILEDEGGS! my gosh. we got to swim 8 in the evening. we are actually enjoying the night taking pictures, playing tagu-taguan and asaran factors when paula received a call from her mom telling her to go home already, but the fun doesnt end there. we've got to take her home, then the fun must go on. Since liezl havent taken his dinner yet, we got to remember to eat again and again. we ate pancit and fishball. but kind of a different pancit, it was something very refreshing. XD. we all feel at home at the restaurant so just keep talking and talking around. while waiting for the food we got to reminisce jaja's fairytale with aulbert, our recent activities at school and even our ex-teachers at montessori. then, liezl have to go home already. so bye bye. jaja, abby, enchang and me will still have each other, we got back to our room. showertime. then, we played BLUFF! well, almost perfect, then we also played pusoy dos in which i lose. haha! then still have lots of stories. its already 12 and our energy is still high. we just eat. andameng foods ee! well, goodluck to jaja's diet routine. we watched a movie and eat all around. hoho! then they shared horror stories that made me think someone is beside my bed, hoeee!3:00 am, and were still having or stories. waa. well, i really cant sleep but since they are all sleepy so i let them sleep. i was just thinking of something. Our barkada that had just started from a merienda at the foodcourt and now were almost 4 years, how long will still it be. hope till forever. i was really happy and we were still thinking about nona's reason why she was not around. really this night is such a perfect bliss!

I am a Daughter Of Our Heavenly Father

I came from a big number of family. We were seven. I have two older brother and sister, and four younger ones. I am the third daughter. I grew up in a world where for me it is almost perfect. My perspective changed, my point of views also. There were this times that I am terribly looking for the real me. Since I am the organization of Young Women, I still have 2 sisters on the same org. Most of the time I am being compared to them and actually I am the least option when it comes to beauty or whatsoever. People around us would always prefer them. I maybe different from them in many ways. Im from a far of the world. I dress simple, I frown a little, I don’t even care about my looks. The real thing about me is I am almost satisfied of who I am. There were times that I really pay self-pity to myself and even lose myself in tears and deppression. I don’t even want someone to talk with. I hate myself whenever I am being compared to anybody else especially to my younger siblings. Maybe I am selfish, but I really don’t want to become a second choice or just a consolation. Im blaming myself for being who I am, sometimes I even think, why them? Why not me? Im following the standards of the church, I am even seeking the Lord’s kingdom first, I am trying to be an example to other Young Woman, why them? Why not me? There are also times that I get used to hurt myself and keep on telling myself that I am worthless. My eyes are opened and I have also seen that my parents would always opt them rather than me. I know, i fall short from their expectations, I know Im not perfect, and I don’t even know if im good or better. The most hard part of it is when sometimes people had actually misinterpret or misjudge me, or even when people would tell me, you don’t look like your sisters. I know they are prettier, gorgeous and glamorous. I can do nothing but to pray and lean on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know I was formed from the image of God, so I don’t have to worry anything, the Lord loves me, although people see me on my weakest part, The Lord would always remain just and he would always see me as his perfect daughter.

In God's Perfect Time:]

Since I was young, I wish to be a part of the school newspaper, campus magazines and press conference. I havent given any chance to explore my skills on writing when I was in my elementary grade because im joining other school competitions. As young as grade II when I started to compose simple songs, poems, and started to write on my diary in a novel-type narration. So, I promised to myself that someday, ill be a part of schoolpaper, or different journalism team. I still have the hope that there’s still high school. I started to join journalism clubs but hindrances are along my way. I have to choose from seminary class or worlholder meeting (official newspaper of the school). My seminary Class will start at 5:30, the meeting will also start 5:30, after our class. I thought it would be easy for me to excuse myself from meetings because I have friends there, but I was wrong. If our meeting will not be held at 5:30 pm during weekdays, it is most probably Saturday or Sunday. I almost feel guilty about letting that opportunity to pass along, but at the end of the day I would realize that I just made a right decision. Now, I already graduated at high school, though I failed to be the editor-in-chief of my dreamcampus paper, regrets has no place in my heart. I appreciate myself more for choosing the Lord first. Maybe its not for me. Time pass along, Im almost paying pity to myself and I keep on questioning myself if really I don’t deserve it. I want to voice-out my real passion that people will recognize that its my passion. I cried and prayed to the Lord that if really I wont fit here, ill just let it go. The week after,from our stake, they told me that im going to write for the stake. Ill be featuring the last Stake Youth Conference.Just a few hours after I received a news from my friend encouraging me to be a part of an online magazine. She’s asking me to be a subordinate writer. Really I am greatful that stil im being appreciated by those who really know me well. This is the answer to my prayer. In God’s Perfect time, he’ll open my eyes, and let me feel that really I am special.

Saturday Blast::]

I really had a great Saturday. I have done and accomplish something worthwhile. Maybe for some it is such a cliché but somehow for me it left a reason and a lesson to me:] when I was a child I always think that everything is perfect. I believe on a ‘once upon a time’ fairytale and a ‘happy ever after ending’. But as time goes by, I finally had seen what it really means to succeed, to achieve and to work-out for something that someday you and those people around you will be proud of what you are and who you are already. Although I was being compared with my younger siblings most of the time, I guess it has a reason. It’s hard for me to accept that I am just a second choice; I would always wish that I am the best. But I have to admit that I’m not perfect, I have weaknesses it’s for a cause, for my own good. For now, I want to spread my wings and learn new things. I want to explore something different. It would be hard for me, because I don’t accept criticisms in return, but I want to help myself to recognize that I have to broaden my horizon and look forward on my future. I know Heavenly Father has his plan for me. In God’s perfect time, I will inherit all the blessings, and he will pour out happiness to me.

Standing as a witness:]

When I was a primary I don’t really understand why I have to spend Sunday to church, to sit along with my parents, to behave during sacrament meeting and why do I need to attend primary class. I would always think and reason out for myself that I have to do it for my parent’s sake. I am active in the primary but personally I’m wandering why I have to be there as always and I know the testimony I have was my father’s testimony. As time goes by, when I turned 12, I started to attend my seminary class. I have my older sister with me who keep on watching over me at the first day of class. The following the day, I told my parents that I could go already alone. That’s when I finally understand and had actually give answers to my question when I was a primary and why do I have to study the gospel. My seminary teacher was a great influence for me. From that day, I realized that I can’t grow without my own testimony. The gospel had made me realized that I am blessed because at my young age my parents had opened my eyes in doing good and grow up with the light of Christ. I learned a lot from my seminary class, I understand more the meaning of Atonement, and have actually work-out for my own testimony of Jesus Christ. Even at school, I could still apply the lessons I gained at seminary class by merely being an example to them, by choosing God’s will first and by sharing them the infinite love of Christ. I gained a deeper appreciation of repentance and forgiveness. I remember what my teacher had taught me “It is better to prepare and prevent than to repair and repent”.

My new Entry for october:]]

Back to Basic: Something Worthwhile and Important
-Hannah Grace Mesde

Today was as strange as they come. I guess I should bactrack. The entire week was crummy. I would like to lookback and reminisce the past. Back from my young women years, it seems I’m too old to remember my past years. And it flows like this.
Five years ago, I was once sitting on a monobloc chair inside a four corner room. Silently watching over the side of the windows. Observing our Sunday School teacher. Trying to exempt myself from her questions. I was really that silent and typical young woman before who always hide on the comfort room everytime the leaders will pull us out of the primary room. I had also started to attend my daily seminary class. And at my first day of siiting beside my co-seminarians I was a bit weird for not talking for an hour until the class ended. The following was really a miracle, that was when I started to talk outloud. I guess my tantrums just got away from me. I have to admit than im too old for memorizing the 13 Articles of Faith, Singing primary songs such as follw the prophet, I belong to church and many more. Until such time that I noticed that im enjoying already my life as a young woman. Although, I am always at the peak of choosing my friends, the right choice to keep my Sabbath day holy rather than to attend school activities, my personal progress than TV and books, and sacrifice my time to hung out with my friends during my seminary class. There is no such word as regret. I value those treasured memories as forever pixietale story. There are times when I feel I want to give up on what I am doing but there would always be the still small voice, the leaders and my parents that would always tell me to choose the right and seek first the kingdom of God. Many years from now, I may have my own family, my own life’s perfect bliss, but somehow all the wisdom I gained back when I was a primary, a young woman would always linger in my mind and heart and I would always remember that really I am a Daughter of God. For 17 years of existence I have noticed that nothing is permanent in this world, and in the other hand, the world is not getting better, but I guess and everybody knows it that its getting worst. But despite of these adversaries I can make things right out of using my free agency wisely. This journey is not yet done. And I still have many roads to take. I know Heavenly Father and jesus Christ will help me. The scriptures taught me a lot, My leaders had guided me, My family had become my inspiration and my weaknesses has been my stepping stone to become more stong and gain more strength. I know with God nothing is impossible. It take a lot more work than words. My young women motto, “Stand for Truth And Righteousness” and the theme “Stand as a witness of God at all time and in all things and in all places” will lead to me to my eternal goals.

i wrote this song when JLM broke my heart:[[

Falling Out Of Love

-Hannah

Here I am Again

Standing by your side

Hoping that you still remember

Though youre not mine

Youre still a part of me and forever ill be yours

Take a break

Take some rest

Because tomorrow

I promise youll be mine again

Im sorry, you never

You never appreciated me

Though the hard times

You leave me alone

I really do not expect that youll do that

But since, I still have the hope

Ill wait for you

Think until you realize

And I know

Someday youll be mine again

If setting you free will ease the pain

If leaving you will make me happy again

I don’t have the reason to love you continuously

Stop dreaming

Pause from imagining

Youre gone

And youll never be mine again.

Note: please do not copy this without my permission:]]