Book Of Mormon:)

The Book of Mormon tells us different principles that we can use in our daily decisions in life. Through reading it, we will realize that ever story contains lessons and values that we may to apply in our days. There are instances in our life that we are filled with emptiness and loneliness, but through praying to our Heavenly Father and seeking counsels through the Book of Mormon, we'll be able to overcome sorrow. As the Book of Mormon relays stories of our ancient prophets, it is also applicable in our generation that they will be our example in our journey today. Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father loves us so much. He wants us to be with him again. We can communicate with him through reading his words.

Winter Ball: End of Year, Full of Tears:(

Few more hours and I'll welcome 2011 in my arms. Last night, we just had our Winter Ball Activity. Full of joy, Full of twists and turns and full of tears. :( The day before the activity, I just heard the news that RM **** has a girlfriend already. I was filled with emptiness and soberness. It seems like the world turned upside down. Masama talaga ang loob ko, parang kailan lang ako pa ang tinatanong nya. One thing more, why do he need to tell to his friends na he's waiting for me or whatever kind of katorpehan is that. I feel like ako nalang lagi yung dahilan kung bakit hindi nagwowork-out ang mga relationships. :(

Yesterday, I had prepared myself emotionally for the possible scenario that I might encounter.
:( There are times that I feel so paranoid, looking far from the sky. We spent the whole day yesterday decorating the venue and preparing ourselves. The Socials started so well. I got my first dance.. Blah Blah Blah. Everything turns to be fine because they were not around yet. I just got one problem, FOLLOWER. Dance, dance, dance. :) Then, the time has come. All I know, they wouldn't come already. Its getting late. :) Then, a man came and entered the door. I closed my eyes because I know it was him. He's with his girlfriend. They passed infront of me. Well, I thought I can handle the situation. As he introduce his girlfriend to some of our friends, I left my sit and go to Ate Abish. I never noticed that my tears fall down already. I can't help myself but just to cry and release the pain that I have inside of me. I told to Ate Vanessa that I can no longer take the pain. My eyes started to cry again. He's getting married. Ate Vane told me to stop from crying. He might think that I'm affected. Unfortunately, I can do nothing to stop my emotions. I runway from them. He's too insensitive to dance her girlfriend infront of me. What do he expect? I'll just ignore them? Ofcourse, Im in pain. I hurriedly went at the back. Then, I started to cry again.They were asking me what had happened to me? It seems that their world stop for a while and they really cared for me. My kuyas asked me to dance. I was really expecting him to offer me a dance and introduce her girlfriend to me or just clear things out. He just passed by my side. :( :( I cant stop from crying. I bowed my head and then I heard a voice telling me "Tama na yung iyak dyan, sayaw nalang kita." The voice seemed to be very familiar. It was my childhood friend. I felt relieved as he continue to send me jokes and asked me stop from crying. After that dance another friend asked me to dance. He cracked jokes also. But you know what, what made my night good? When follower finally asked me to dance. We had stories to tell, jokes to share. Though, I really refrain myself to attach myself again to him. I know same thing will happen again. :( He really made me happy though. :) I really had lots of reason to be hapopy and enjoy the party but all was ruined because of him. But, before the night ends, I really feel so blessed to those who never leave me and preferred to stay at my side from the time that I've felt I'm alone. :)

Until now, I really can't understand why he never explained, he never told me his plans about us. I really hope that he'll be happy. :) I know someday, I'll realize how lucky I am:)

December Happenings!

Finally, Nakahanap din ako ng time para maglagay ng entry sa BLOG ko. :)
Well, Christmas was good. I just got back from Manila and I really had a great time with my friends and my ATE. :) Though, It was really an Exhausting week. NO Sleep, NO Rest! :) Just Laughs, FUn and Adventures!I'll just post the pictures next time. :)
You know what, few hours before December 25 I got a conversation with ELDER *********. :) Hi's and Hello's. :) He asked me to give him a call, but I refused to. HAHA! BAWAL kaya yun! :) Okay na yung E-MAil! :) I am really happy. :)

I'll just put the other stories on my next entry. I'm out of my mind. SORRY! :)

Childhood Acquaintance; All I know is that you’ll stay forever.

Childhood Acquaintance; All I know is that you’ll stay forever.
-Hannah Grace S. Mesde

I was browsing the internet, looking for some people whom I could get connected on a social site. I noticed this profile that seemed to be so familiar to me, an old childhood churchmate. As I go on with browsing his pictures I ended up adding him on my account. Then, just after some few hours, I received a message from him. “Hello Sis. Hannah, You look so familiar, I think I know you”, he said. After reading the message, I replied “Yes, probably. You and your family lived here before. You seemed to be so familiar to me so I tried to add you on my account.” That’s the start of our conversation. We do send messages to each other reminiscing our old days as primary staying on the same ward. We talked about our mutual friends. After that, we got to be more acquainted again when he asked for my number and so we texted each other. Hi’s and Hello’s, Take Care’s and until words of endearment were included. He asked me if I’m into a relationship, then, I told him “I just moved-on from a heartbreak”. I know he has a girlfriend. He told me about her girlfriend and his plans. He’s preparing himself for his mission. We continuously texted each other. For many times he tried to asked me “What if it will be ‘you and me’?” I know he’s just playing around so I always answer him with jokes. But October 22, 2008 has come. That was the day when he told me, “From now on, You will be my Girlfriend.” I asked him about his girlfriend and he told me “I just broke up with her for you”. I felt flattered but I still have doubts. I told him about my ideal relationship. A relationship with a date, with a real intention, and no games. He told me he could give it to me. I know he is a good man. My parents know him and his family so well. So, I uttered the words, “Okay”. Everything turns out to be so good. We have a good communication though were miles apart. We do online chatting (webcam). He also had a plan to go here and visit his old friends with his family. We both share our stories on what had happened today and what’s the news. Though, we don’t have plans on broadcasting our relationship. He’s preparing for his mission and his Dad told him not to enter into any relationship first and so with my parents because I was just 16 then. Our relationship is doing well until one night, we had a little fight. It was just a childish act, a childish act that resulted to an unexpected scenario. I was expecting him to say sorry or even to resolve the problem that we have. The next morning, I hurriedly read the messages on my cellphone but unfortunately I got no message from him. I texted him, “Goodmorning”, but I got no reply. I thought maybe he got no load or he’s still asleep. The night had come already and still I got no message from him. I checked my Yahoo Account but he’s not on the line. Days and weeks had passed. I still got no explanation. For me, it’s over. What can I do? If he don’t want to text me anymore. I received the news that he got his mission call already. There was a time when we were both online, so I took the chance to send my regards to him. Luckily, he replied. I told him goodluck to his mission. I was expecting him to tell me his reason why after that night, I got no reply, I got no idea on what’s going on, but I failed. It seems that nothing had had happened and I was just an ordinary friend to him. Instead of telling me what had happened, he just ignored me. After saying all my regards, just a simple thank you was his reply. I texted him using my new number but I didn’t introduce myself. I smiled when he replied asking for my name. Then, I replied and introduce myself. After that, I got no reply again. I know he’s ignoring me. I tried to convince myself that I was not hurt. Honestly, at first I don’t feel so hurt, it was fine with me. But now, all the pain resides inside. I still have questions, why? I don’t know. When will it be unfold?

*It’s been two years but I’m still asking myself, “What happened?”. There’s a possibility that his family will be back here. I was asking myself, “What would I feel if they’ll be back here?”. I’m not afraid that the feeling that I have for him before will be back. I am even afraid of “What if he doesn’t know me anymore? How should I react?”. Yes, I know I’m better now. But, ours is an unsettled relationship. I often say, “I feel like I got a Dear Jane letter.” But honestly, what I feel right now is more painful than having a Dear Jane letter. We don’t have any break-ups. That little fight ended all our plans, and caused me a heartbreak and leave lots of question into my mind. Wherever he is right now, I know he is happy. Though I want to send him letters, I am very reluctant because of my fear that he would just ignore it again. I know someday, someone’s going to take your place. You will always be a part of my past. You will always be a part of my growth. I will wait for that day that all of my questions will be answered and you will finally explain to me your reason. How I wish I have all the courage to ask him, “Could you please explain to me, what’s this game all about?”.

Let's knit our heart together. (MUTUAL ACTIVITY)

December 03, 2010

Goodevening, I just got home from a Mutual Activity. I cooked ricebarbeque. J Well, though they don’t love it that much, I appreciate myself for having such effort to do the thing that I hated most before. Mami Ped told me, “Don’t be in a hurry. You’re too young. You know the risk if you make things in a hurry? There would be a possibility that you will deprive yourself from such great and better opportunities. Just think of this, what if that right man is about to come? But you are committed already to someone else? Though you like him and vice versa, how could it be?” Hmm. Yes, I know I should not be in a hurry. I still have plans, I will go on a mission, I will finish my studies and then I will settle a very happy family with the best man that I will ever had in my life. <3>

I will hold your hand until eternity. :)

August, It was months ago since I had that dream.I could still remember exactly how the scenario was executed. A missionary, He was about 6 feet tall, had some features of a Samoan nor a New Zealander. He was with his companion. They were both sitting on the overflow of the CES Building when I passed by the aisle and he said, "When I got home, I'll be back and I'll marry you". his face was not so clear but I know that he's not our missionary. Maybe he's from the other ward of our stake or whatever. On the other hand was this newly returned missionary from our stake. His bishop keeps on telling me that this RM wants to marry me and told me, "Just give him a chance". I know him very well on my dream, and I know his Bishop too. But, I was very reluctant. I don't know what choice did I make. One thing that i could remember is that when they were trying to talked to me, I runaway.

After having this dream, I shared this to some of my closest friends. I was really waiting for that Missionary whom I know he's the one that I prefer most. A month after, I saw this man, who looks like the man or the missionary on my dream. Not exactly, but so close to reality. The same feeling that I have on that dream rejuvenated. The night after I saw him, I had a dream again. I was walking alone the seashore and there was this Missionary and a Former Friend. My former friend said to him, "She's yours now, Take a good care of her. I love her, but I wasn't able to show her. So, Love her". That Missionary hold my hand so tight. We walked facing the sun, and the shore behind us. Green grasses, Tall Trees, and a very peaceful place. It's not Philippines. I know It's not. He hold my hand even tighter and whispered to me, "I will hold your hand until eternity". The feeling was really a perfect bliss!

*I cant ignore that dream, I know someone is prepared for me. Maybe, I have signs of who is he. :) I am now preparing myself to meet him. In God's perfect time. :)