Childhood Acquaintance; All I know is that you’ll stay forever.

Childhood Acquaintance; All I know is that you’ll stay forever.
-Hannah Grace S. Mesde

I was browsing the internet, looking for some people whom I could get connected on a social site. I noticed this profile that seemed to be so familiar to me, an old childhood churchmate. As I go on with browsing his pictures I ended up adding him on my account. Then, just after some few hours, I received a message from him. “Hello Sis. Hannah, You look so familiar, I think I know you”, he said. After reading the message, I replied “Yes, probably. You and your family lived here before. You seemed to be so familiar to me so I tried to add you on my account.” That’s the start of our conversation. We do send messages to each other reminiscing our old days as primary staying on the same ward. We talked about our mutual friends. After that, we got to be more acquainted again when he asked for my number and so we texted each other. Hi’s and Hello’s, Take Care’s and until words of endearment were included. He asked me if I’m into a relationship, then, I told him “I just moved-on from a heartbreak”. I know he has a girlfriend. He told me about her girlfriend and his plans. He’s preparing himself for his mission. We continuously texted each other. For many times he tried to asked me “What if it will be ‘you and me’?” I know he’s just playing around so I always answer him with jokes. But October 22, 2008 has come. That was the day when he told me, “From now on, You will be my Girlfriend.” I asked him about his girlfriend and he told me “I just broke up with her for you”. I felt flattered but I still have doubts. I told him about my ideal relationship. A relationship with a date, with a real intention, and no games. He told me he could give it to me. I know he is a good man. My parents know him and his family so well. So, I uttered the words, “Okay”. Everything turns out to be so good. We have a good communication though were miles apart. We do online chatting (webcam). He also had a plan to go here and visit his old friends with his family. We both share our stories on what had happened today and what’s the news. Though, we don’t have plans on broadcasting our relationship. He’s preparing for his mission and his Dad told him not to enter into any relationship first and so with my parents because I was just 16 then. Our relationship is doing well until one night, we had a little fight. It was just a childish act, a childish act that resulted to an unexpected scenario. I was expecting him to say sorry or even to resolve the problem that we have. The next morning, I hurriedly read the messages on my cellphone but unfortunately I got no message from him. I texted him, “Goodmorning”, but I got no reply. I thought maybe he got no load or he’s still asleep. The night had come already and still I got no message from him. I checked my Yahoo Account but he’s not on the line. Days and weeks had passed. I still got no explanation. For me, it’s over. What can I do? If he don’t want to text me anymore. I received the news that he got his mission call already. There was a time when we were both online, so I took the chance to send my regards to him. Luckily, he replied. I told him goodluck to his mission. I was expecting him to tell me his reason why after that night, I got no reply, I got no idea on what’s going on, but I failed. It seems that nothing had had happened and I was just an ordinary friend to him. Instead of telling me what had happened, he just ignored me. After saying all my regards, just a simple thank you was his reply. I texted him using my new number but I didn’t introduce myself. I smiled when he replied asking for my name. Then, I replied and introduce myself. After that, I got no reply again. I know he’s ignoring me. I tried to convince myself that I was not hurt. Honestly, at first I don’t feel so hurt, it was fine with me. But now, all the pain resides inside. I still have questions, why? I don’t know. When will it be unfold?

*It’s been two years but I’m still asking myself, “What happened?”. There’s a possibility that his family will be back here. I was asking myself, “What would I feel if they’ll be back here?”. I’m not afraid that the feeling that I have for him before will be back. I am even afraid of “What if he doesn’t know me anymore? How should I react?”. Yes, I know I’m better now. But, ours is an unsettled relationship. I often say, “I feel like I got a Dear Jane letter.” But honestly, what I feel right now is more painful than having a Dear Jane letter. We don’t have any break-ups. That little fight ended all our plans, and caused me a heartbreak and leave lots of question into my mind. Wherever he is right now, I know he is happy. Though I want to send him letters, I am very reluctant because of my fear that he would just ignore it again. I know someday, someone’s going to take your place. You will always be a part of my past. You will always be a part of my growth. I will wait for that day that all of my questions will be answered and you will finally explain to me your reason. How I wish I have all the courage to ask him, “Could you please explain to me, what’s this game all about?”.