I am a Daughter Of Our Heavenly Father

I came from a big number of family. We were seven. I have two older brother and sister, and four younger ones. I am the third daughter. I grew up in a world where for me it is almost perfect. My perspective changed, my point of views also. There were this times that I am terribly looking for the real me. Since I am the organization of Young Women, I still have 2 sisters on the same org. Most of the time I am being compared to them and actually I am the least option when it comes to beauty or whatsoever. People around us would always prefer them. I maybe different from them in many ways. Im from a far of the world. I dress simple, I frown a little, I don’t even care about my looks. The real thing about me is I am almost satisfied of who I am. There were times that I really pay self-pity to myself and even lose myself in tears and deppression. I don’t even want someone to talk with. I hate myself whenever I am being compared to anybody else especially to my younger siblings. Maybe I am selfish, but I really don’t want to become a second choice or just a consolation. Im blaming myself for being who I am, sometimes I even think, why them? Why not me? Im following the standards of the church, I am even seeking the Lord’s kingdom first, I am trying to be an example to other Young Woman, why them? Why not me? There are also times that I get used to hurt myself and keep on telling myself that I am worthless. My eyes are opened and I have also seen that my parents would always opt them rather than me. I know, i fall short from their expectations, I know Im not perfect, and I don’t even know if im good or better. The most hard part of it is when sometimes people had actually misinterpret or misjudge me, or even when people would tell me, you don’t look like your sisters. I know they are prettier, gorgeous and glamorous. I can do nothing but to pray and lean on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know I was formed from the image of God, so I don’t have to worry anything, the Lord loves me, although people see me on my weakest part, The Lord would always remain just and he would always see me as his perfect daughter.

In God's Perfect Time:]

Since I was young, I wish to be a part of the school newspaper, campus magazines and press conference. I havent given any chance to explore my skills on writing when I was in my elementary grade because im joining other school competitions. As young as grade II when I started to compose simple songs, poems, and started to write on my diary in a novel-type narration. So, I promised to myself that someday, ill be a part of schoolpaper, or different journalism team. I still have the hope that there’s still high school. I started to join journalism clubs but hindrances are along my way. I have to choose from seminary class or worlholder meeting (official newspaper of the school). My seminary Class will start at 5:30, the meeting will also start 5:30, after our class. I thought it would be easy for me to excuse myself from meetings because I have friends there, but I was wrong. If our meeting will not be held at 5:30 pm during weekdays, it is most probably Saturday or Sunday. I almost feel guilty about letting that opportunity to pass along, but at the end of the day I would realize that I just made a right decision. Now, I already graduated at high school, though I failed to be the editor-in-chief of my dreamcampus paper, regrets has no place in my heart. I appreciate myself more for choosing the Lord first. Maybe its not for me. Time pass along, Im almost paying pity to myself and I keep on questioning myself if really I don’t deserve it. I want to voice-out my real passion that people will recognize that its my passion. I cried and prayed to the Lord that if really I wont fit here, ill just let it go. The week after,from our stake, they told me that im going to write for the stake. Ill be featuring the last Stake Youth Conference.Just a few hours after I received a news from my friend encouraging me to be a part of an online magazine. She’s asking me to be a subordinate writer. Really I am greatful that stil im being appreciated by those who really know me well. This is the answer to my prayer. In God’s Perfect time, he’ll open my eyes, and let me feel that really I am special.

Saturday Blast::]

I really had a great Saturday. I have done and accomplish something worthwhile. Maybe for some it is such a cliché but somehow for me it left a reason and a lesson to me:] when I was a child I always think that everything is perfect. I believe on a ‘once upon a time’ fairytale and a ‘happy ever after ending’. But as time goes by, I finally had seen what it really means to succeed, to achieve and to work-out for something that someday you and those people around you will be proud of what you are and who you are already. Although I was being compared with my younger siblings most of the time, I guess it has a reason. It’s hard for me to accept that I am just a second choice; I would always wish that I am the best. But I have to admit that I’m not perfect, I have weaknesses it’s for a cause, for my own good. For now, I want to spread my wings and learn new things. I want to explore something different. It would be hard for me, because I don’t accept criticisms in return, but I want to help myself to recognize that I have to broaden my horizon and look forward on my future. I know Heavenly Father has his plan for me. In God’s perfect time, I will inherit all the blessings, and he will pour out happiness to me.

Standing as a witness:]

When I was a primary I don’t really understand why I have to spend Sunday to church, to sit along with my parents, to behave during sacrament meeting and why do I need to attend primary class. I would always think and reason out for myself that I have to do it for my parent’s sake. I am active in the primary but personally I’m wandering why I have to be there as always and I know the testimony I have was my father’s testimony. As time goes by, when I turned 12, I started to attend my seminary class. I have my older sister with me who keep on watching over me at the first day of class. The following the day, I told my parents that I could go already alone. That’s when I finally understand and had actually give answers to my question when I was a primary and why do I have to study the gospel. My seminary teacher was a great influence for me. From that day, I realized that I can’t grow without my own testimony. The gospel had made me realized that I am blessed because at my young age my parents had opened my eyes in doing good and grow up with the light of Christ. I learned a lot from my seminary class, I understand more the meaning of Atonement, and have actually work-out for my own testimony of Jesus Christ. Even at school, I could still apply the lessons I gained at seminary class by merely being an example to them, by choosing God’s will first and by sharing them the infinite love of Christ. I gained a deeper appreciation of repentance and forgiveness. I remember what my teacher had taught me “It is better to prepare and prevent than to repair and repent”.