Goodbye January. :)

I really don't know why I feel so upset. :( Maybe, at the thought that they will soon be sharing their lives together. T.T Anyway, I have to make things right by this time.. I don't know what lies ahead. Though, for sure it would be full of twists and turns again.. :( I'll be meeting February tomorrow.. It's been a year already!

Anyway, I just got my Patriarchal Blessing. :) Honestly, I feel so special as Patriarch gives his blessing to me. My tears fell down as I heard those lovely revelations. I really had mixed emotions right now. I know in time, I could find him. :) I just have to wait for the right man.. :)

My Mom's Greatest Lesson. :)

Whenever my mother would give us inspiring message in the scripture, she would always quote Alma 37:37. We often laugh at her because she always share it to us. For how many times that when she's reading it, we are already joining her because we had memorized it. During our Family Home Evening, Family Scripture Study, and even at church she never hesitate to share that scripture verse from the Book of Mormon. I often wonder why she keeps on sharing that to us. Yes, we knew already that we have to pray and be thankful in our daily lives, but what touches my heart most was when I finally realize that my mom just want us to never forget that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are always watching over us. Everytime that I'm in the midst of trials and tribulation I never forget to read that scripture verse. I always remember how loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are. I need to be thankful with all the blessings that I have. Now, I've grown up and i will always remember how my Mom changed my perspective on praying and being thankful even with the trials and adversaries I have come through.

When filled with tears and words unsaid. :(

Life is too short yet reasonable. For now, you're on the top, in few seconds you'll be at the bottom. We can not tell when will be the last. Seasons change, Hearts also. Time passes by, life ends. For nothing in this world is permanent. For every beginning, there is an end. For in every pain, there is relief. In God's chosen time, everything will took its best place. It is God whom we trust. It is God whom we know the master of everything.

We only have little time to show to our love-ones how much we care for them, so we must do it now. Do not procrastinate the day, because when its too late, you'll just regret after it. "Live life to the fullest", "Live life like its the last". We all know the meaning of this, but we have to ponder and think. What if we only have one more year left? One Month? Neither a day or an hour left? Have we done our best? Or in the other way or another, Have we shown them the love that we feel. Do we have any guilt that we have never told them how much they mean to us?

The words 'Thank You', 'I Love You' seemed to be so common in our days. Sometimes, we even say it got no impact anymore. Let's bring again the vows that we have at that very moment of the past. Let's rejuvenate the power of words and action.

When they can't hear us anymore, when they can't answer back, when we are filled with tears, and the only words left are "Till we meet again". :((

When forgiveness is a must. :)

Last night, we had our institute class. Ofcourse, the pain is still residing in my heart. I still have hatred. :( Our lesson is all about forgiveness. Ow! Sakto! I thought I was so strong to take all the pain. No, I'm not. Sometimes, I want to give up. Nobody realizes how agonizing the reality is. Though, Pres. Barrientos taught us the power of forgiveness. As it was written in the scripture that the Lord will forgive those he will forgive, but for us, we are required to forgive all. :(
What hurts most for me is the thought that they are too insensitive to realize that I was hurt. The most difficult way to forgive others is when they dont know thay they have hurt you. That's the reason why it's too hard for me to forgive him. I know, he thought I'm alright, I'm okay. He doesn't even know that I was hurt. How could I feel so sorry for him, If he doesn't know how to say sorry for me. In other words, I feel so bitter for everything that he does, that they do. Maybe, time will heal this pain. Not now. :( He, They are too insensitive that they don't feel and realize that I've been into so much agony. :(

I know if I'll just let this feeling reign in my heart, I'll never be happy. I'll be bitter all the time not until the pain and hatred had gone.
In time, I could just let this feeling flaunt and take it off. I'll be able to accept the reality and just set things on a higher ground and a better perspective. :)

MY LETTER TO HIM. :)

My Dearest Eternal Love,
I don't know what do I feel right now. What I know for sure is that I am very excited to meet you. Though I don't know who you are, I know in time, In God's perfect and chosen time I can build all my hopes and dreams with you. I am now preparing myself to that lovely and wonderful day that you will hold my hand and together we will face the Altar and will promise to each other that we will love each other until forever is gone. Wherever you are right now, I know God is also preparing you. After all the pains that life has brought me, I know they are just part of life. Only God knows when will be the time that we are both ready to meet each other. Till we meet! :)

With all my Love,
Hannah:)

Book Of Mormon:)

The Book of Mormon tells us different principles that we can use in our daily decisions in life. Through reading it, we will realize that ever story contains lessons and values that we may to apply in our days. There are instances in our life that we are filled with emptiness and loneliness, but through praying to our Heavenly Father and seeking counsels through the Book of Mormon, we'll be able to overcome sorrow. As the Book of Mormon relays stories of our ancient prophets, it is also applicable in our generation that they will be our example in our journey today. Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father loves us so much. He wants us to be with him again. We can communicate with him through reading his words.

Winter Ball: End of Year, Full of Tears:(

Few more hours and I'll welcome 2011 in my arms. Last night, we just had our Winter Ball Activity. Full of joy, Full of twists and turns and full of tears. :( The day before the activity, I just heard the news that RM **** has a girlfriend already. I was filled with emptiness and soberness. It seems like the world turned upside down. Masama talaga ang loob ko, parang kailan lang ako pa ang tinatanong nya. One thing more, why do he need to tell to his friends na he's waiting for me or whatever kind of katorpehan is that. I feel like ako nalang lagi yung dahilan kung bakit hindi nagwowork-out ang mga relationships. :(

Yesterday, I had prepared myself emotionally for the possible scenario that I might encounter.
:( There are times that I feel so paranoid, looking far from the sky. We spent the whole day yesterday decorating the venue and preparing ourselves. The Socials started so well. I got my first dance.. Blah Blah Blah. Everything turns to be fine because they were not around yet. I just got one problem, FOLLOWER. Dance, dance, dance. :) Then, the time has come. All I know, they wouldn't come already. Its getting late. :) Then, a man came and entered the door. I closed my eyes because I know it was him. He's with his girlfriend. They passed infront of me. Well, I thought I can handle the situation. As he introduce his girlfriend to some of our friends, I left my sit and go to Ate Abish. I never noticed that my tears fall down already. I can't help myself but just to cry and release the pain that I have inside of me. I told to Ate Vanessa that I can no longer take the pain. My eyes started to cry again. He's getting married. Ate Vane told me to stop from crying. He might think that I'm affected. Unfortunately, I can do nothing to stop my emotions. I runway from them. He's too insensitive to dance her girlfriend infront of me. What do he expect? I'll just ignore them? Ofcourse, Im in pain. I hurriedly went at the back. Then, I started to cry again.They were asking me what had happened to me? It seems that their world stop for a while and they really cared for me. My kuyas asked me to dance. I was really expecting him to offer me a dance and introduce her girlfriend to me or just clear things out. He just passed by my side. :( :( I cant stop from crying. I bowed my head and then I heard a voice telling me "Tama na yung iyak dyan, sayaw nalang kita." The voice seemed to be very familiar. It was my childhood friend. I felt relieved as he continue to send me jokes and asked me stop from crying. After that dance another friend asked me to dance. He cracked jokes also. But you know what, what made my night good? When follower finally asked me to dance. We had stories to tell, jokes to share. Though, I really refrain myself to attach myself again to him. I know same thing will happen again. :( He really made me happy though. :) I really had lots of reason to be hapopy and enjoy the party but all was ruined because of him. But, before the night ends, I really feel so blessed to those who never leave me and preferred to stay at my side from the time that I've felt I'm alone. :)

Until now, I really can't understand why he never explained, he never told me his plans about us. I really hope that he'll be happy. :) I know someday, I'll realize how lucky I am:)

December Happenings!

Finally, Nakahanap din ako ng time para maglagay ng entry sa BLOG ko. :)
Well, Christmas was good. I just got back from Manila and I really had a great time with my friends and my ATE. :) Though, It was really an Exhausting week. NO Sleep, NO Rest! :) Just Laughs, FUn and Adventures!I'll just post the pictures next time. :)
You know what, few hours before December 25 I got a conversation with ELDER *********. :) Hi's and Hello's. :) He asked me to give him a call, but I refused to. HAHA! BAWAL kaya yun! :) Okay na yung E-MAil! :) I am really happy. :)

I'll just put the other stories on my next entry. I'm out of my mind. SORRY! :)

Childhood Acquaintance; All I know is that you’ll stay forever.

Childhood Acquaintance; All I know is that you’ll stay forever.
-Hannah Grace S. Mesde

I was browsing the internet, looking for some people whom I could get connected on a social site. I noticed this profile that seemed to be so familiar to me, an old childhood churchmate. As I go on with browsing his pictures I ended up adding him on my account. Then, just after some few hours, I received a message from him. “Hello Sis. Hannah, You look so familiar, I think I know you”, he said. After reading the message, I replied “Yes, probably. You and your family lived here before. You seemed to be so familiar to me so I tried to add you on my account.” That’s the start of our conversation. We do send messages to each other reminiscing our old days as primary staying on the same ward. We talked about our mutual friends. After that, we got to be more acquainted again when he asked for my number and so we texted each other. Hi’s and Hello’s, Take Care’s and until words of endearment were included. He asked me if I’m into a relationship, then, I told him “I just moved-on from a heartbreak”. I know he has a girlfriend. He told me about her girlfriend and his plans. He’s preparing himself for his mission. We continuously texted each other. For many times he tried to asked me “What if it will be ‘you and me’?” I know he’s just playing around so I always answer him with jokes. But October 22, 2008 has come. That was the day when he told me, “From now on, You will be my Girlfriend.” I asked him about his girlfriend and he told me “I just broke up with her for you”. I felt flattered but I still have doubts. I told him about my ideal relationship. A relationship with a date, with a real intention, and no games. He told me he could give it to me. I know he is a good man. My parents know him and his family so well. So, I uttered the words, “Okay”. Everything turns out to be so good. We have a good communication though were miles apart. We do online chatting (webcam). He also had a plan to go here and visit his old friends with his family. We both share our stories on what had happened today and what’s the news. Though, we don’t have plans on broadcasting our relationship. He’s preparing for his mission and his Dad told him not to enter into any relationship first and so with my parents because I was just 16 then. Our relationship is doing well until one night, we had a little fight. It was just a childish act, a childish act that resulted to an unexpected scenario. I was expecting him to say sorry or even to resolve the problem that we have. The next morning, I hurriedly read the messages on my cellphone but unfortunately I got no message from him. I texted him, “Goodmorning”, but I got no reply. I thought maybe he got no load or he’s still asleep. The night had come already and still I got no message from him. I checked my Yahoo Account but he’s not on the line. Days and weeks had passed. I still got no explanation. For me, it’s over. What can I do? If he don’t want to text me anymore. I received the news that he got his mission call already. There was a time when we were both online, so I took the chance to send my regards to him. Luckily, he replied. I told him goodluck to his mission. I was expecting him to tell me his reason why after that night, I got no reply, I got no idea on what’s going on, but I failed. It seems that nothing had had happened and I was just an ordinary friend to him. Instead of telling me what had happened, he just ignored me. After saying all my regards, just a simple thank you was his reply. I texted him using my new number but I didn’t introduce myself. I smiled when he replied asking for my name. Then, I replied and introduce myself. After that, I got no reply again. I know he’s ignoring me. I tried to convince myself that I was not hurt. Honestly, at first I don’t feel so hurt, it was fine with me. But now, all the pain resides inside. I still have questions, why? I don’t know. When will it be unfold?

*It’s been two years but I’m still asking myself, “What happened?”. There’s a possibility that his family will be back here. I was asking myself, “What would I feel if they’ll be back here?”. I’m not afraid that the feeling that I have for him before will be back. I am even afraid of “What if he doesn’t know me anymore? How should I react?”. Yes, I know I’m better now. But, ours is an unsettled relationship. I often say, “I feel like I got a Dear Jane letter.” But honestly, what I feel right now is more painful than having a Dear Jane letter. We don’t have any break-ups. That little fight ended all our plans, and caused me a heartbreak and leave lots of question into my mind. Wherever he is right now, I know he is happy. Though I want to send him letters, I am very reluctant because of my fear that he would just ignore it again. I know someday, someone’s going to take your place. You will always be a part of my past. You will always be a part of my growth. I will wait for that day that all of my questions will be answered and you will finally explain to me your reason. How I wish I have all the courage to ask him, “Could you please explain to me, what’s this game all about?”.

Let's knit our heart together. (MUTUAL ACTIVITY)

December 03, 2010

Goodevening, I just got home from a Mutual Activity. I cooked ricebarbeque. J Well, though they don’t love it that much, I appreciate myself for having such effort to do the thing that I hated most before. Mami Ped told me, “Don’t be in a hurry. You’re too young. You know the risk if you make things in a hurry? There would be a possibility that you will deprive yourself from such great and better opportunities. Just think of this, what if that right man is about to come? But you are committed already to someone else? Though you like him and vice versa, how could it be?” Hmm. Yes, I know I should not be in a hurry. I still have plans, I will go on a mission, I will finish my studies and then I will settle a very happy family with the best man that I will ever had in my life. <3>

I will hold your hand until eternity. :)

August, It was months ago since I had that dream.I could still remember exactly how the scenario was executed. A missionary, He was about 6 feet tall, had some features of a Samoan nor a New Zealander. He was with his companion. They were both sitting on the overflow of the CES Building when I passed by the aisle and he said, "When I got home, I'll be back and I'll marry you". his face was not so clear but I know that he's not our missionary. Maybe he's from the other ward of our stake or whatever. On the other hand was this newly returned missionary from our stake. His bishop keeps on telling me that this RM wants to marry me and told me, "Just give him a chance". I know him very well on my dream, and I know his Bishop too. But, I was very reluctant. I don't know what choice did I make. One thing that i could remember is that when they were trying to talked to me, I runaway.

After having this dream, I shared this to some of my closest friends. I was really waiting for that Missionary whom I know he's the one that I prefer most. A month after, I saw this man, who looks like the man or the missionary on my dream. Not exactly, but so close to reality. The same feeling that I have on that dream rejuvenated. The night after I saw him, I had a dream again. I was walking alone the seashore and there was this Missionary and a Former Friend. My former friend said to him, "She's yours now, Take a good care of her. I love her, but I wasn't able to show her. So, Love her". That Missionary hold my hand so tight. We walked facing the sun, and the shore behind us. Green grasses, Tall Trees, and a very peaceful place. It's not Philippines. I know It's not. He hold my hand even tighter and whispered to me, "I will hold your hand until eternity". The feeling was really a perfect bliss!

*I cant ignore that dream, I know someone is prepared for me. Maybe, I have signs of who is he. :) I am now preparing myself to meet him. In God's perfect time. :)

HeartBreaking News! MOVE-ON! :)

D'you know what's the Worst News all about? It's all about Ate Abish' Former Lover. HAHA. But actually, I shouldn't be using that expression HAHA. This is really a heartbreaking Entry for all who could relate their story with this. :) Just right after Ate Abish stepped down from the Tricycle, the first reaction that she had was a terrifying face. This is our Conversation.
Ate Abish: 'Gonna tell you something! Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ka ba o malulungkot.'
ME: Ano yun ate?
Ate Abish: Mamaya nalang.
ME: Now na ate! Ano yun? Ikakasal ka na?
Ate Abish: HUHU!
ME: Hmmm.. :)
Ate Abish: Engaged na si BARRACK! BRR!

Nagulat ako at hindi ko alam kung ano nga ba dapat ang reaction ko. I know within Ate Abish' heart she's upset and she wanted to cry though she's wearing a smile. I tried to divert the conversation to other stories but I failed to. At the ERC, I hurriedly ran to the Computer and turned it on.

Ate Abish: HUHUHU! Bakit siya?
ME: Ate, member ba?
Ate Abish: Malamang, Ewan ko. Parang Hawaiiana.
ME: Halla, pano mo nalaman? Ano bang nangyari?
AteAbish: nakita ko sa Flicker mga photos.
ME: hhmmm.. San te? Gusto kong makita? (ng makilatis) HAHA!
Ate Abish: Wag na Hannah! Magugulat ka lang!
ME: Bakit?
Ate Abish: Nakakastressed!
ME: Tara na lang MCDO! kain tayo muna. Dun na tayo magEMOTE! nasstress ako!

You know what? i think the weather was also with us. The rain pours hard! Then, at the Mcdonalds we talked about what really had happened and opened our minds and mouths to come up with the realization that EX are all NOTHING! BITTERNESS nga ba ito? Oo nga siguro. Pero naiinis lang talaga ako.

We then realized what was the real reason why Barrack acts that way. I therefore conclude, he's not worth of ATE ABISH!

Ate Abish: Alam mo yung feeling ng... Ganito pala yun. Engaged na siya!
ME: Awch, te hindi ko talaga mafeel kasi di ko pa natry. Isa lang naman ibig sabihin nyan.
Ate Abish: Ano? Move-On!
ME: meron pa. sabi nga Birds with the same feathers are the same BIRDS! HAHAHA!

Dahil kami ay talagang stressed na! KUMAIN nalang ang REMEDY! :)
Napaorder tuloy ulit ako!

ME: Ate, Sundae pa saka Fries.
Ate ABish: Ikaw nalang.
ME: Ayaw mo na te?
Ate Abish: Busog na ako. Order ka na ah.
ME: Hay! Nasstressed talaga ako te dahil sa balita mo.
Ate Abish: Abah! mas stressed ka pa kaysa sa akin.
ME: eh pano naman kasi, nagulat ako. parang last week lang nakakausap ko siya at tumatawag sa phone. tapos ngayon engaed na! Feeling! HAHAHAHA.
Ate Abish: (Natawa nalang, pero sa totoo lang halatang nasasaktan)

pagkatapos ng kwentuhan, bumalik na kami sa ERC:)

Asusual, kwentuhan pa din. :))
Siya padin ang nasa usapan.
Para sa akin, Masama ang loob ko sa mga taong katulad ni Barrack. Napapaisip tuloy ako. Sigurado pag umuwi si E.BJL at sinabing ENGAGED na din siya, ABAh, Bonggang Bonggang PARANOID ako nun!

Bakit ba may mga tao pa kasing nilikha para magpumiling.
Pagkatapos ng pag-eemote, kailangan ko ng magprepare. I'll be working with the missionaries at 2:00. Ate Abish was very reluctant and she even tried to stop me and just be with her. But unfortunately, I left her with Sis. Garma at the ERC.

Just after I got back, she told me. 'HUHUHUHU! PACS!'
Then, I told her, Okay lang yan ate! Go lang! Blooming ka yata!
She then told me, 'Abah kailangan kong maging BLOOMING!
Sa isip isip ko, TAMA LANG NAMAN YUN! kaysa maging Gloomy! :)

To Ate Abish:
Okay lang yan ate. Now, we'll end to the thought that Golds are not meant for Graphites. Remeber, May goal tayo. If they dont Fit, try the other one. Kaya nga may ALPHABET eh. May Plan A- Z!

Cheer Up my PACS! We're on our way BACK to our FATHER ABOVE! :)

REVELATIONS and BLAST! :)

The past few weeks were really filled with new revelations and emotions spilled. Last week, November 17, 2010; we conducted again CAREER WORKSHOP with the going home missionaries. Nothing major had happened. It was cool but not as cool as before. J Anyway, I really got lots of issues and news on what’s happening on me right now. Remember E.M? I don’t know his thought on doing things like saying ‘Hi Ate’ even when I’m meters away. Also for the last two nights, E.S calls and talks with me for about an hour or two. I don’t know why. Last Monday, we had our Lunch at McDonalds, and guess who’s there? E.M. Ofcourse some ‘Hi’s and Handshakes’. Ate Abish told me that he’s staring at me even when he’s talking with her. He was trying to catch my attention. Ano na ba talaga ang nangyayari sa akin? Paranoid na din ako. Feeling ko pag magriring ang Cellphone ko, si E.S ang tatawag. HAHAHA! Anyway, I and Ate Abish just had the worst news ever a while back. But I’m going to elaborate it on my next entry. L It’s something like BITTERNESS! HATRED! And EVERYTHING! P.S, Still I got no updates with FOLLOWER! Hey, Ask me OUT! HAHAHA!

SCREWED PAGES!

November 8, 2010

Am I really fine? Hays, well I’m not. I don’t know why. I got lots of Why and How? Scribbled ideas and emotions over my head. I got a little conversation with my ex-boyfriend just a while back. I was just encouraging him to go on a mission. I don’t know why? I’m over him. It was just I want him to be closer to the gospel again. T.T I think I’m having LSS right now. Brrr! Anyway, Im waiting for him to go ONLINE since the morning came. Sad, He’s not on the line still. I just missed him a lot. I’m listening to Mariah Carey’s One Sweet Day. Do I still have regrets of not telling him what I really feel? Everything about us is over. I’ve moved on. When will be that one sweet day? I’d lost along the way. Really, I am. Too Sad but really true. I’m alone here at home bored of playing Plants Vs. Zombies. Two days ago when my bag was snatched. Luckily I have my phone and wallet at my pocket.

My bag’s content –

Journal(The HardCopy of my Life. T.T),

My Binder(where my pictures are clipped,my letters and classcards),

The Notebook-NovelBook(I’m not yet done reading it),

Shades(from Paris),

My Favorite Shirt,

3 I.D’s (HighSchool ID, MassCom ID, and my Pub Admin ID),

My cellphone’s charger and just a little number of coins.

I was really disappointed at the thought that I lost my JOURNAL and my ID’s. November 6, 2010 was really a BAD DAY to me. Aside from my bag was snatched I also received a nerve-breaking news from my classmate. I failed on one of my Major Subjects. Well, I’m already expecting it. T.T

I don’t want to elaborate it. HAHA! Lesson learned, when you feel like don’t bringing your favorite stuffs, DON’T! Cause you might regret after. So, I wont bring you anywhere. Okay, I think this is enough! Take Care!

November! Celebrating Halloween at The Memorial Park. :)

Happy Halloween! My eyes are infected with a virus called ‘AGONY’. HAHA! I got a sored EYE! Only one. T.T Welcome Welcome November! I went to Santiago Memorial Park, 2:00 in the afternoon. It’s raining so I do nothing there except for eating and eating. I got a little time bonding with my Tito’s, Tita’s and cousins. My friend Crichelle asked me to joined her on the party late at night. So, I decided to go also. I also invited Ate Abish to go and watched the Nginiiig Party. You know what happened? At the entrance gate was really a horrifying scenario, the rain pours so hard and there were lots of people on the line. So, I and ate abish decided to stay at the near building. So we stayed at Jolibee. We sitted for an hour, and when we are in the counter for our orders we got disappointed when the crew said ‘Goodevening Maam, these are the available orders’. To our shock, Ate said, ‘Hays! Walang Fries? Mcdo nalang’. HAHA! We were really laughing at ourselves. We love McDonalds and yet at the very first we haven’t take much effort to go there. (It’s also because Mcdonalds was a kilometer away from the Coliseum and it’s raining) I was wearing my shades even when it’s raining. Well my eyes are not in a good and pretty condition. T.T We went to McDonalds and ofcourse Mcdonalds had witnessed again our heartaches! Hmmm. HAHA! We went back again to the Coliseum to picked my siblings and be at home before 12mn. Well, they were on the other Jollibee Branch so we went there. The same feeling came again, the feeling of wanting to turn your head 180 degrees. But, I was very reluctant to do it, I don’t want him to see as I go far away from him. T.T When I got home, I got a very relaxing sleep. It’s because I saw him.

October 29, 2010 - Twists and Turns!

We were not able to celebrate Mom and Dad's Silver Anniv. We planned to make it on November 1.

My Day started with tears, but as the sky turns dark, You were there. T'was one of the greatest feeling i've ever felt. :) I was just a bit disappointed with (Airsupply). I dont know what was his reason why he dont talk neither say Hi nor Hello to me. He's just inches away from me. But anyway, I Dont Care. I must not Care at All. We're OVER and DONE! Im Over it. I am really happy that there was this man whom I never expected that he would come and change everything in me. Life has a new plan for me. Yes, I know! I never expect that BJL will soon be leaving me. I dont know his reason. I'm just waiting for the real thing to happen. Let it Flaunt! If that's what he want to do, Its Alright. For now, I am really thankful for (FOLLOWER). He makes me smile, he makes me feel I'm always remembered.

After the Typhoon Juan, Preparation for Papa and Mama's Anniversary.

Home Sweet Home. I was just so excited for tomorrow. Grandma's coming home tomorrow and also, its my Mama and Papa's Silver Wedding Anniversary. 25 years of Marriage, of Love and of Loyalty. I know Families are forever, and the vows they have shared will last until forever. We can live eternally as we apply the gospel in our own lives. :0 Well, I want to be with them. Anyway, im planning to surprise them with my Home-Bake Cake. It is Full of Love for Mama and Papa. Since i was young I never saw Mama and Papa have any arguements. That's how they treasure their relationship for the past 25 years and ofcourse on the years to go. :) Don't worry I'll post pictures after. :) Just last Monday Night, on our Family Home Evening, they shared to us their love story. Their getting to know each other stage, courting stage, and Dad's proposal to Mama. While the typhoon Juan was rarely bugging the outside world of our home, we are gathered together by Papa as we listened to their colorful LOVE STORY. I never heard it, even before. They often share stories from the past. Honestly, it was just last monday night that we are able to know that they will already celebrate their 25th year of LOVE. Rude, but TRUE! I'll share their story on my next entry. I PROMISE!

Follower's Update. :)

I dont know whats happening on me. I am surely inlove. I dont know why things got to be so screwed. Arr. Gooosh! Everybody's telling me na kame nalang daw. Now, Tell me? When will it be? It's still you who would decide. Arr! Im in the Midst of having MIXED EMOTIONS!

Video Uploads. :)

I was singing RUNAWAY. :)



Acoustic of Will You Ever Learn



Torete - Hannah:)



Me and Kuya Dan Singin Rise Above.

The right Words to SAY:)

October 14, 2010
Well, my day didn’t start so good. I hate the fact that they keep on rationalizing with the wrong things that they do. Blrrr! I hate it. :0 I don’t know why tears started to fall, maybe at the thought that I feel so upset. Hmm Last night, I haven’t realize that it’s 11:30 already, I have enjoyed playing Plants Vs. Zombies. I’m lovin’ it anyway. Im currently listening to Call it Karma- Silverstein. I just missed highschool badly. I’ve been nostalgic about the gone days in high school, though I got lots of memories to be remembered. Im running out of words. Let me share to you this magnum opus that I have composed at the middle of emotional agony. Kuya Dan knew this already, he arranged it already with chords and music. 

Note: For the eyes only, please do not copy/edit or any form of stealing without my permission. Thanks!

Pretenses are Over
--Hannah Grace S. Mesde

The whole scene was like something
out of the old movie we’d just seen
The sky was a velvety midnight blue,
dotted with pinpricks of stars

The ocean waves rolled towards us,
moonlight dancing on their swells
I was sure I would never love anyone
as much as I love you at that moment


Refrain:
What did you want to tell me?
Its harder than I expected.
It was no good for me.
Pretenses are over
The long pixietale
story was just a nightmare


Then, I froze, embarrassed. I hadn’t meant to speak
Even I my words had been covered by sigh
I had to laugh at myself, I’d been fuming about you
Being too preoccupied to carry a conversation

I stared at you expectantly, my jaw clenched
Im not obsessed with being the center of attention
But, I have to pretend that I know nothing at all.
I know nothing at all.

(Refrain)

Bridge:
Is there anyway to be unpredictable
and relatively normal at the same time
I don’t want to do that’s actually bad
But it would be nice to be a little less
Do I have to believe or make them believe.
Ours was just a ‘To make believe’ story.

(Refrain)

Woa, this song really SUCKS. :) But i love this. SO classical! :)
If you want to have a copy just get connected on FACEBOOK:)

Journal Entry:)

October 13, 2010
The world seemed to turn upside down. I got loads of problems at school. Naaah, you know it so bad.  But anyway, I’m so excited for the upcoming Party Party Party with Friends, Well, its been months since we have our BONDING. Last Sunday, its General Conference, why is it I always got a dilemma with my seats. He’s always at my back neither on my left or right. Sounds Funny, Yah.  haha .
Woa, I got no internet connection. Blurr! Oh my, to my excitement I forgot to tell you what had happened to me a while back. I don’t know what was his reason in doing those things. Creepy! Arr!  I’m starting to love Pinoy Books again. Cool. XD.

Euphoria Week:)

All I know is that I'm running out of time because of my Drawing Exam, to my disappointment that i got no EXAM today. bluff:|| Arr! Well, i just hate the fact that i left my room and refrain from playing Plants Vs. Zombies just to go to school and take my exams on my Major subject:)
Anyway, i got lots of super-loving experience with Ate Abish Isabella Tamayo. That was really cool and fun:)) The Career Training with the going home missionaries was really good. Full of laughs, fun and blah blah blah. Move On! hoho:) I cant get him OFF:) He's running through my MIND:))
Anyway, here are some pictures during the Workshop. :))

Elder Carl Alombro, Abish Isabella Tamayo (Annaliza Tamayo), Hannah Grace Mesde, Sister Rosales, Elder Phipps, Elder Pandarawan, Elder Dela Pena, Elder Amen. :)

(Click for Larger Views)
Taken October 6, 2010
Cauayan Chapel.

That day was really an WOA! Adventure for me and ate Abish. After the Workshop, we go to Sam then stayed at Talavera for the left hours. We ate at Jolibee to feed our big tummies. haha:)) While waiting for the bus, we shared some experiences while we're conducting the workshop. We really laugh out loud with ourselves. All the funny memories blah blah. :)) Then, Dagupan Bus was on our way, we ride there but we realize that we don't feel so comfortable because of it's gross smell so we planned to transfer into another bus. What makes me say Oh My! was when i step down my foot to the stairs and i saw the missionaries, AP's Office Elders and the Mission President at the Shell Station. We dont know how to react, because it's already 8 in the evening and we're supposed to be at home already. Ofcourse, it's not a big deal anyway. Just the thought of we had already bid goodbye to them when we closed the workshop not knowing that we'll be with them even at the bus. haha:)) But that was really COOL:)) We tried to pretend that we haven't seen them but oh my, ofcourse they would see us. When we got to the Bus, the going home missionaries were shock when they saw us. Haha:)) FUN! Then on our way home, Forbidding Silence! hoho:)) When we reach Santiago, Ate and I never had any guts to looked back:) I finally realize how hard to LEAVE. Now, i know it already. :))

Sembreak Month:)

October na.
Sembreak is really fastapproaching!
and im a YES YES!
I wanna see my friends and be with them again.
Remember, in this month, double 2 is really a MESS!
remember him on october 22. :) one of the happiest day of my life ever, but now, i dont think so:)
i just missed him a lot:)
i know he's doing good right now on his mission:)
i want to send him letters, but i dont have much heart to do it:)
Exactly, grabe:)
Im currently listening to Anthem of our dying days:)
Nakakamiss:)
anyway, i went to my former college school yesterday for my sister. You know what happened? i saw my former professors and classmates. i just missed being with them. :)

i just received a news last night, wala na ulet si ex at jg:)
i dont know if i had to react that i am happy or loose my symphaty on her. Both sides:)
grawwll:)

I'm so excited for sembreak:)

Septembers going to END:)

Oh, i just got a spare time:) Last night, we went to the wake of Ephraim's Lola. While we were on our way, i cant get off my eyes of the place where my bordx died:(( i was really sad. I know that was God's plan for him. Anyway, the other night, he was on my dreams. He looks so nice and the countenance that i've seen was his picturesque when we were on 4th year. I dont know why i feel so paranoid because of this things.
Im actually listening to the song 'I Love You Goodbye', it was a kind of RELIEVED:)) Im okay now. I've moved on already:)

University Intrams:)) SUMA,College Friends:)

Its already September:0 Well And Good. My New hairstyle was really good:0 And im Loving it:0
Look:) What Can You Say? Just two days Ago, It was a really really almost Boring Intrams:0 Super walang ginagawa:)
Well, the entire week was not that super haggard. but I feel so stressed because of sleepless nights, Im still wondering why he deleted me on his facebook. he never mentioned about it. We dont even talk for weeks, but we dont have feud:( Hays! Things seemed to be unreasonable. I miss my friends much:) Boiledeggs:) Arr! Wishing for Sembreak already:0
Here are some picture of my new LOOK:) new LIFE:)

(Click The Pictures for larger view)

Ofcourse, my life as a college student would be super boring without friends. Yes, kahit papano may mga nakaksama ako, dahil alam kong hindi pwedeng maging mag-isa ako at laging maghintay nalang ng time na umuwe ang mga barkada ko:0
Here are they, The SUMA:) Wala lang kameng magawa, kaya yan:0 PhotoShoot:0

From Left to Right -- Ruth Alvarez, Diane Uy, Hannah Grace Mesde, Ivory Jen Siyang :)

Our Jumpshot:)



Cool:0 And I thank them for helping me and supporting me:)

A simple story of what i have experienced:)

I dont know why things happened to be so screwed:) haha.Things are so weird. Last Monday night, the other week, i dremt of a missionary (he was not assigned in our ward) he said to me "When i got home, im going to marry you". I dont know him, i dont even know his name, and i cant remember his face. One thing for sure, i havent met him yet. He was like 5'11, figure like a new zealander. I dont know. hahaha:) Last week was one of the crummiest week ever. loads of paperworks, tutorials and preparation for midterm exams. And the socials had just happened last thursday. It was cool, happy, but not that super great night. Haggard because of sleepless nights. :))
Honestly, i do missed all the people who made my highschool life definitely perfect:)

Last August 21, primary educational tour. a simple scene had captured my compassionate care for kids. There was this child (looks like 6-8 years old), he's walking along the streets and he's selling icecream on sticks. My heart aches for that scenario that he's suppose to be at their home, having some rest, or playing with his buds but there he was. I just cant imagine that, that young boy was spending his saturday on selling ice creams just to earn money. Ironically, the world or our government seemed to have and advocates 'Child's Rights', but how about him. As young as his age he knows how to work hard. Guilty rises through my veins that i don't even appreciate what i have now, i spend a lot of money on non-sense things, i dont work hard to get things that i wanted. But this young boy, he almost have all the difficulties which he was not supposed to have at his age. What he supposes to do is to be in school, write on his paper, listen to his teacher, play with his classmates. But there he was, loosing his voice just to have profit on selling, he never count his walk and never told himself "I'm Tired", instead he keep on shouting "icecream" on the streets. Where's his family? Why do he need to do that? There are unanswered questions but my heart cries because of his industriousness and endurance on life. A lesson learned for me, that i have to appreciate even the very little things that i have because not all people have the privilege to have it. I am more fortunate than them so i must be grateful. I was not able to caught him on cam, because the bus was so fast. but his picture carrying a box on his back full of icecream sticks and walking on the side of the street will always be present in my mind.

Dont have something to write:)

I've found him already on FACEBOOK:) im so happy:) really! i dont have classes this friday:) TIME to unwind:) haha! magulo padin ang utak ko:))

Eto ang bago kong nalaman na kanta:) kakaiyak. pero anganda talaga:)

Just know
We are
A spec
In time.

So follow your bliss
And destroy the beauty

I'll lock myself alone in a room
Drink until the clock strikes noon
With just a pen, a pill, and some paper
And maybe I will write a sad song
Or another cliche poem
Of the person that I long to be

I wanna die like Jim Morrison
A fucking rock star
I wanna die like God on the cover of time.
Just a blink and it's gone
So baby pour some fame in my glass.

So kill the forest
And destroy the beauty.

I'll lock myself alone in a room
Drink until the clock strikes noon
With just a pen, a pill, and some paper
And maybe I will write a sad song
Or another cliche poem
Of the person that I long to be

(Colors blind)
the eyes
(Sounds deafen)
the ear
(Flavors numb)
the taste
(Thoughts weaken)
the mind

I'll attack someone with a switchblade knife
So that I can see their pain
I choose to be a serial killer
'Cause the victims don't get any fame.

I'll lock myself alone in a room
Drink until the clock strikes noon
With just a pen, a pill, and some paper
And maybe I will write a sad song
Or another cliche poem
Of the person that I long to be

Just know we are a spec in time:))

Days are fast approaching:)) Headache:)

After a long time of drama:) eto ako ngayon, madrama padin:)
Tiresome and Exhausting Day:) Seemingly, Tortured yata ang utak ko, especially on TRIGO:) For the past few days that i wasnt able to post my entry here, i have lots of memories:) Well, im just wondering why KUYA BLUE called me 'GRACE'. I was really wondering why:) Nobody calls me that way:) yes, i know my name was HANNAH GRACE, but i cant just think that he'll call me GRACE. And he's looking for someone whose name is MARICAR. I dont know anyone whose name is Maricar:)0 Weird:) Really Weird:)) But, For CL:) he passed by my side last tuesday:) Super Bango nya talaga. Naalala ko tuloy si Rens. How Sad. He reminds me of everything about Rens:) Hays, sice Rens birthday had passed already paranoid padin ako. Hoping that i could visit him on his tomb. I dremt of him last Monday night, i was looking for him over mountains. i dont know why. Hays, too sad i cant get him off:0 Well, CL:), he was on my dream also last tuesday night, he seemed to be so closed to me:)) We were talking about DOTA:) hais, just a while back on the IICT, i got shock because he's looking at me, he was adjacent to my window:) I think Im too weird about being so crazy of him. Whatever:)

When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there. Super nakakaiyak talaga:)) i know i cant make things back right now:)) Just how i wish i could:0

When you wake up each morning
And you feel like calling
I'll be there for you
When the road seems uncertain
And you can't stop the hurtin'
I'll be there for you

When there's no one beside you
I'll be there to guide you
Catch you each time you fall
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there...

When the world's unkind
And your dreams, they need more time
I'll be there for you

If the rules they keep breaking
And the future is fading
I'll be there for you

The rainbow will end
In the palm of your hand
Don't ever let it go
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there...

Who knows where we'll go
What will tomorrow bring
But we have each other, just hold on tight
We can take to the skies and fly...

I'll be there for you...
I'll be there for you...

The rainbow will end
In the palm of your hand
Don't ever let it go
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there...

I'll be there

Super nalaulungkot ako sa kantang to:) hays.:)) Anyways, i missed posting my entry here:)) i got a busy schedule on doing my paperworks.

Eto ako ngayon:))

Look at my newly uploaded pictures:))

eto na ako ngayon, Pumayat daw? haha:))

I guess, parang mas Masaya ako dito:)

Tapos na din ang TRIGO AT PHILOS:)) breathe:))

Tapos na ang exam ng PHILOS at TRIGO. nakakatuwa lang na nahirapan talaga ako. haha. ngayon lang to nangyare na nagreview ako pero walang pumasok sa utak ko. haha. the whole week was reall BUSY:)) its been days na din since yung last na post ko na everything was all about RENS:))
ngayon medyo okay na ang pakiramdam ko. I just need him pero sa mga ala-ala nagiging masaya naman ako:))
I was able to read my diary kanina and i got shock na may mga ganong nangyare pala sa buhay ko. puro mga failures at kakornihan sa pag-ibig. Naalala ko tuloy ang bestfriend kong isa pa, si NIKKO. Katulad din ni RENS, madami din kaming mgandang ala-ala at siya talaga ang unang tinawag kong BESTFRIEND sa loob ng MONTE:)) naalala ko lang na isa siya sa mga hindi ko makakalimutan na BESTFRIEND:)) TULAD din NIYA:)) kilala na yan ng buong mundo:))
MAsaya ako dahil kahit papanu nababawasan ang bigat ng kalooban ko.
Namimiss ko ng sobra ang high school. parang dati napakadali lang magtawag ng 'Uy, MCDO tayo. ngayon mahirap na dahil nsa MAnila sila at ang iba naman busy sa pag-aaral. Parang ako lang ata ang hindi nagiging hectic ang schedule. haha:))
Sad News na naman pala. Wala na din si GRINGO GONZALES. He died last monday night. Sad talaga dahil kahit papano may friendship din na nabuo sa amin. But wherever he is, i know he is Happy:)) Ayokong masyadong damdamin dahil ayaw kong bumaha na naman ng luha at maging miserable ang buhay ko tulad nung nawala si Bords:))
May mga magagandang ala-ala naman na naiwan na pwedeng balikan:))

Ancute neto:))